Mind Racing or Brain Battle?

Lots going through the mind as of late.  Where to begin, where to begin... Well I suppose we could start with the most recent and move backwards (seems the most logical to me anyhow).

Yesterday the team left for Haiti.  They're going to be gone a total of 10 days and to tell you the truth I would be lying if I said a piece of me didn't wish I was going with them.  From the day that the trip was put on the calendar to yesterday's departure so much has happened and changed.  The team initially started with 18 people and only 11 hopped in that van yesterday afternoon.  The journey to the van included several bumps and blessings along the way... For instance, our leadership team did all but dissolve after one of the key leaders dropped out, financial woes knocked several people out of contention and general inexperience and learning as we went tended to slow the process.  The blessings however far outweighed the bumps... example being a leadership team much more united, enough finance to cover the building supplies and above all, a team that actually took off yesterday.

To help with international communication I traded phones with Paul Harris for the duration of the trip.  I purchased a black and white Otter Box for the iPhone (which has been re-named "Stormtrooper") and sent it down to Haiti while Paul left me his Verizon something-or-other phone... While I like to maintain the idea that I'm not a total technology junkie I do have to say that adjusting to a phone that only performs basic telephonic tasks has proven to be a bit more difficult than anticipated (however I think some of that has to do with not having all of my contacts).  I have been on the smart-phone sauce now for a little over 3 years and essentially downgrading to a basic phone has really opened my eyes to how reliant I had become on something as simple as a phone.  I'm glad to report that it wasn't a full blown addiction as I haven't developed the shakes or irritability or anything but it's been a learning experience to say the least.  I'm glad my phone got to go... I feel like that since I had to drop out of the trip that was the least I could contribute.

There is so much more that is on my mind but I don't even know how to express it in words right now... (that and if I ramble on too much longer I might want to start talking to a publisher)... I think I'm going to go help Trinity Communications put together gift bags for this weekend's festival...

PS... Today we had storms roll through and I got online to check the weather... the heat index was 102... I decided to check Les Cayes, Haiti's weather... the heat index there was 106... 4 degrees difference... Pray for them down there... We got a taste of that heat today and most of us didn't have to construct a concrete block building.  They have grueling labor ahead of them... pray for them.

Baby it's cold outside... Well, comparatively speaking...

The interior of my home is officially 10 degrees hotter than it is outside.  I don't know if my house has noticed this or not, but we are actually located in the northern hemisphere and it's nearly July which equates to... SUMMER!  I must concede that it's not totally my house's fault... I suppose some of the blame falls on the out of doors.  Summers in northern Indiana are invariably hot and most importantly humid.  That's right folks, humid.  If you're not too familiar with humidity let me break it down for you.  The second you walk outside you feel like you've walked into a sauna... every ounce of viable life-giving oxygen has been replaced with thick sweat laden (almost gelatinous) atmosphere.  It's almost like swimming while vertical.

Ok, so I may have over-dramatized the humidity but you get my drift right?  It's hot, it's sticky and the second you've showered and gotten dry you feel almost the immediate need to go shower all over again.  How does this relate to my house you may be asking?  Another lovely little factoid about our summers is that it's not uncommon to have little to no breeze... I am convinced this is how my house got to be so hot.  The windows were open but with the lack of breeze circulation was not happening.  This got me thinking.  Every vacation I have ever been on that involved a tropical climate, I have made some wild and crazy statement that I would be able to set up permanent residence there.  I'm not so convinced right now.

With that said I keep thinking more and more about this trip to Haiti that my church is putting together.  With finances being in such short supply, several of the people who had initially signed up to go (me included) are having to drop out.  While I definitely feel as though I am supposed to get my butt down there at some point, I am growing more and more convinced that God was the one who put the breaks on for this go-around.  

Over the last couple of weeks (after my decision to stay home), every time I have walked outside into the heat and humidity of the afternoon I think of Haiti.  Every time I open my car door and suck in the last breath of "cool" air before submersing myself into my boiling vehicle I think to myself this is what Haiti must feel like.  I keep thinking that here in Indiana we have some wicked summers but truth is, in Haiti it's pretty much summer year-round.  Every time I switch on an air conditioning unit these days I'm reminded of how utterly blessed I am.

I have lots going through my head this evening... I have to say that I am exceedingly grateful for where I live and my family and the immense blessing of being an American.  I know that may sound a bit cheesy but it's the truth... we are a very blessed people and I want to do all I can to not take that for granted... anyway, I feel like I could go on forever (which would be terrible for anyone reading this as you would have to sit there forever assuming you're still reading now)...

Out... like a light.... (hopefully here soon anyway...)

#3 - Cars and Cash... and no, this isn't a rap song...

 Well, to start things off my car is fixed!  I can’t tell you how absolutely thankful I am that my car is functioning like cars are supposed to function.  I do have to say that Summit Car Care Center in Fort Wayne Indiana did a great job… Thankfully what was wrong with the car was not catastrophic but let’s just say, if I thought I was broke before, you should look at me now.  Not only did I buy that computer off of my friend but the next day I had to dump $284 into putting a rebuilt starter into my car.  If we do a little basic math, that’s $434 out of my account in about 24 hours.  I had been putting some cash aside for the computer so that wasn’t as large of a hit but the car repair was a bit of a whopper. 

Between what I had in my bank account and what I hadn’t transferred over yet from my unemployment I had roughly $303 to my name.  This amount would have been less if I had not met with my bank 3 days ago to dispute a charge to my account.  Because they waived the fee and gave me that money back I had enough to cover the repair… if it hadn’t worked out exactly like that I would have been $31 short.

As I started really looking at the situation and examining the intricacies I was like, God really came through on this.  Instead of being short $31, I had $19 left over, I got to have some great conversation with people I don’t get to see too often anymore and I think I may have found a new place to take my car.  As I step back and look at it I kind of start to think to myself that God was kind of showing off in how He orchestrated everything and that it worked out so perfectly.  It’s in those moments that it really hits me that, He isn’t necessarily showing off, He’s orchestrating things in a way so that it makes me take NOTICE.  Life throws us curve balls and situations and circumstances that we think we have a handle on but He comes through with solutions that are so far out of our league that they have no other option but to be His work.  He’s not showing off, He’s showing up and making sure that we recognize it.

Well, at least that is where I’ve ended up today… tomorrow may be a different interpretation of the events but that’s where I’ve ended up today.

Blogger-out

Numero Dos... Always Expect the Unexpected

I have to say that that particular phrase has always seemed a bit silly to me.  How on earth can you possibly expect something that you didn't know to expect in the first place?  If you were able to (by some unknown superpower) predict every twist and turn in life, I would imagine you could be a very wealthy person.  Instead, you could go with the classic Boy Scouting phrase, "be prepared" (or was the Scar in "The Lion King"...) regardless, I'm fairly certain these phrases exist to remdind us that life changes quickly and good or bad, we have to deal.

It is guaranteed that life will throw us curve balls.  Some people deal with issues by just completely shutting down... they ignore the issue and inevitably someone will swoop in and just take care of it.  Others may react initially with a burst of emotion but will eventually calm down and deal with the issue.  Finally, there are people out there who will not really react in an emotional or even noticeable way.  These people seem to take everything that life throws at them and carefully, almost methodically, navigate their way through almost never asking for outside help.  While those descriptions are VERY basic generalizations I feel like it's not totally out of line to guess that each one of us could identify with at least a piece.

Today I was not expecting the unexpected and I definately was NOT prepared.  A little while back a friend of mine had purchased a new laptop and I had offered to buy his old one.  Well, today was the day... he'd finally wiped the hard drive and restored it back to factory and I could come and pick it up.  I drove over and parked in the driveway expecting to be there for only a few minutes (you know, write the customary check, chat for a few, catch up).  Well, all was good until I went to leave... my car refused to start... my car refused to TRY starting... In that moment I had a decision to make.

Initially I do have to say I fealt a bit numb... the thoughts started flooding my head of how I was going to pay for repairs, if it was even worth repairing (it's an 11 year old car), if it wasn't worth repairing how I would afford a new car (as I am currently unemployed), how to get it to a shop to even have it assessed... all this and more ran through my mind in about .327 seconds.  I knew it couldn't be my battery because I had power, the radio worked, my door dinged and the lights were coming on but to my dismay, nobody seemed to be home... We tried jumping it just to be sure it wasn't the battery but it yielded nothing.  We even tried push starting (still not 100% sure how that's supposed to work but we tried it).  And after every failed attempt to revive my lifeless car, the same thoughts started running through my mind again and again for a brief moment I was numb.

We ended up pushing it to a very near-by local shop (that was closed for the day) and walked back to their house.  I got a lift home and left my wounded car sitting there, unlocked with the key in the visor (something my compulsive door locking self typically would NOT do)... 

I have it on good authority that at one point in my life I would have been a complete wreck... It's likely I would have cried and someone would have had to come rescue me... Today was different.  While I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with my car, or how I'm going to fix it, I am very thankful for the guys who helped me out.  Looking back at it, I can't think of a better way for that to have happened.  The weather was beautiful, I was with people I knew, I was safe, I wasn't stranded and above all I know with every fiber of my being that it will be all ok.  I may not know how it will work out but I know that it will.

So realistically can we actually live life expecting the unexpected?  I'd imagine we could try but honestly there is no way of knowing what is really around the corner and living life just waiting for the next shoe to drop will only leave us worrysome, nervous and miserable.  I suppose being prepared for things that aren't uncommon in this life would be prudent (i.e. carrying jumper cables, a few spare blankets in the winter, sun screen and bug spray, some actual cash just in case, a taser... you know, basic common-sense stuff.)

All in all, today has been a good day and tomorrow will be too... really hoping the car isn't too far gone but if it is we'll figure something out.

Blog-out

Numero Uno... Decisions Decisions Decisions...

You've got to start somewhere right? So here we are... it's quite literally the middle of June, the sun in shining (which has been somewhat of a rarity this season) and the sound of the keys clicking under my fingers is making me feel like I work at an airline ticket counter (or at least the Hollywood film version of an airline ticket counter).

In all honesty, after creating this blog I found myself at sort-of a loss for what to write about... That's probably something you don't hear too frequently, someone who creates a blog with the express desire of writing and then they create it and have no idea what to say... Well, here she is. I don't know exactly what kind of format this will eventually take but the way I figure, I will just start with what's on my mind and go from there...

As of late, (and I'm really only talking about the last 4 or 5 days) I keep getting taken back to the same place with a certain issue. The issue of the dreams and desires of my heart. Do I think this is coincidence? No. Do I think I need to learn something? Yes. Am I pretty sure I know what that lesson entails? Yes. Have I learned it yet? No. Why? Well, that's the difficult part to explain.

I have various dreams for my life and I've had them for as long as I can remember... some of the details have changed over the years but the integrity of the dreams has remained the same. What seems to be the constant thread that is tying everything together is that it's all in His timing. However, I think what is causing me to struggle with this particual lesson is that I honestly don't think that I've been pushing (in my own strength) for these dreams to come to pass... In fact, I was fairly certain that God and I had chatted about these issues and I had given them to Him. Either that isn't the case or He's trying to tell me something else that I'm not quite grasping. Either way, we're going around this mountain again...

If I were a betting individual, I would bet that this isn't atypical. I'd like to say it's just part of growing up but I have a sneaking suspicion that this kind of thing never really goes 100% away. God is always working with us and (as much as I HATE to say this) "There's always going to be another mountain". Today my mountain is my dreams... kinda feels like Everest... Maybe if I can muster the courage to really let them go I'll actually have the strenght to climb.